If Love Feels Like a Test—It’s Not Love

Let’s talk, sis.

You ever find yourself rereading a text five times? Wondering what he really meant by “lol”? Asking your friends, “Do you think he’s mad at me?” “Why hasn’t he responded yet?” “Was I too much?”

That’s not love.
That’s anxiety.

Real love doesn’t make you overthink. It doesn’t make you question your worth or your instincts. Real love feels safe. Like breath. Like finally being able to relax after holding your stomach in all day.

I had a friend, (we’ll call her Jasmine.)
She was talking to this guy who had all the “potential.” He was charming when he wanted to be, and silent when it mattered most. Some nights he’d text her paragraphs; other nights, he’d leave her on read. She called me one day spiraling:
“Do you think he’s just bad at texting?”
“Maybe I should’ve waited longer to reply so I don’t seem desperate?”
“He’s so mysterious… maybe he just expresses himself differently?”

Nah. That wasn’t mystery. That was emotional inconsistency, and it was draining her. She wasn’t in love she was in survival mode, trying to decode every signal to feel chosen.

Here’s the truth:

If he liked you, you’d know.
If he wanted to talk, he would.
If he respected your emotions, he’d make that crystal clear—not keep you guessing. Men are not riddles, sis. But sometimes we turn red flags into puzzles because solving it feels easier than letting go. And let’s be honest we’ve all done it. We’ve all tried to make breadcrumb effort look like mystery. We've told ourselves, “He’s just different,” when deep down we knew… we were chasing clarity that should’ve been there from the beginning. It’s not about being “too sensitive.” You’re not crazy. You’re just reacting to inconsistency, and that reaction is valid. Love doesn’t require decoding.
If you have to guess where you stand, you don’t.

If someone wants you secure, you’ll never have to question it. If someone wants to confuse you, they will. And confusion isn’t romance it’s manipulation or emotional immaturity.

Stop giving the benefit of the doubt when he’s already shown you the doubt.

Ask yourself this instead: Does this feel good—or just familiar? Because sometimes that anxiety we feel isn’t chemistry If you’re feeling anxious more than adored, that’s your nervous system waving a red flag. Girl, you’re not “doing too much.” You’re just exhausted from begging for basic clarity. Uncertainty doesn’t belong in the presence of a woman who’s certain of her worth. A woman who’s sure of herself doesn’t have time for someone who’s unsure about her